My first offense!


Alert! My first offense! I have offended someone with my blogging! And not just someone – she happens to be one of my closest friends!
Well, use to be! (Not really! I would never have posted this blog unless i had spoken to her first!)
This blog is about making amends – because I would like for our friendship to continue into our sunset years! (We are already in our golden years!)
I had this fantasy that my diatribe would soothe all with dulcimer tone and silken cadence. Not going to happen!
The worse thing is that I have offended one of my best friends, someone I love dearly. The last thing I would want in the world is to cause this person distress. Who knew she couldn’t see that I was smiling the whole time I was writing about her!
My heart sank when I read her email; she felt she came across as unsupportive, bratty and a little bit evil.
I quickly reread my blog and I could see why she might think that. How easily words can be misunderstood. I guess I had used her as a device, an entry point into my story.
My muse felt used and abused! Horrors!
And, I can see what offended her – it wasn’t so much about what I wrote, it had more to do with what I left out.
The danger of omission! Such a common mistake we make, especially with our nearest and dearest, where we assume they can fill in between the lines. So, we edit – and that editing leaves room for dangerous black holes.
I had forgotten a proper introduction!
If I was going to tease her, first, I needed to honor her, I needed to build a loving context.
After apologizing profusely and begging her forgiveness, I let her know that my intention had been to include her because I wanted to give her credit for inspiring me to write that blog – She was the one who gave me the idea.
I could see where the honoring aspect might have fallen short.
I could see where I might have neglected to mention she had suggested I write a mission statement for my blog, so other (not her!) people, who might not know me, would have a better understanding of my direction and purpose. The way I wrote it sounded like she was the one questioning my intention.
The truth is, (I’m smiling) that my dear (not sarcastic!) friend (the greatest!) Inga, is like a wonderful big sister to me. It’s not because she is a tinge older than me, (at this point, she would want you to know that she, unlike me, has not one gray hair on her head) it’s because she is wise in so many ways – not all ways – otherwise she would have no need for me! I count on her insight, her humor, her support, her beauty and her unique and original perspectives. I love her unconditionally.
I get to tease her and call her on her ‘stuff’, usually with a chorus of “I don’t believe you!” when I hear her tell me things like “I use to be cross-eyed and buck-toothed.”
And she’s right, if I am going to include her, she deserves an honorable mention, not a glib throwaway – with a snarly finale. (Now you are all going to have to go back to the “What is the point of this blog” blog, to see what the heck I am yapping on about)
But now that I have introduced her – I must warn her, that from now on- now that we have established that I love her – she will be fair game! (Now I’m feeling slightly evil!)
It’s okay honey, you can proof read everything I write about you from now on, and maybe I can convince you to start a sister blog and you can hitch it to mine!
Women are my lifeline. I have big sisters and little sisters, and sometimes the roles switch, depending on the mood and the need.
We get to talk about everything, we get to vent with each other, we get to encourage each other, including supporting each others primary relationships, and holding a perfect vision for the other – especially when the other is having a ‘wobble’.
And we get to throw down a dozen juicy topics on the table, simultaneously darting from one to another, like drunken hummingbirds. Somehow, by the end of our playdate, we have covered every single conversation, wrapping them all up with a neat little bow. It is a thrilling experience that leaves us full and exhilarated.
I use to try this style with my husband, feeling that he was somehow losing out on one of life’s greatest joys. I would trap him in a corner, and dazzle him with the fascinating details of my day!. But I began to notice a dazed, frozen expression of feigned interest as I ran him in circles with my feminine convolutions. (Warning! This word does not exist!)
He just couldn’t take the onslaught of emotion (from the venting) and constant juggling back and forth of subjects. He would try really hard, but I caught him on several occasions, falling into a comatose state.
Then it struck me – He’s overwhelmed! His nervous system is shutting down! This was not good for him!
It was then that I realized – most men make really lousy girlfriends!
Except for Inga’s husband, who really likes listening to her! For one thing she is very entertaining! (Now she’s going to think I’m mocking her!) But seriously, he does! And he’s got great stamina! He can really hang in there! Not that my Casper doesn’t have stamina! Boy, I am really digging myself into a hole here! But Jack listens for a living!
So, although my husband is the love of my life, my girlfriends are my indispensable support system.
I don’t need to torture him with my feminine hurricane all the time. I can whip up a frenzy with my girls and feed my man the eye!


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